When it comes to your money, you get to decide how you want to spend it and whom you’d like to spend it on. However, the thought process that drives those decisions was put in place way before you ever received your first dollar. Studies show that about 75% of our money beliefs are in place by age three. And 95% are in place by fifteen years old.
We default to childhood to make a money decision because that’s when our brains put our beliefs about money in place. This is true about all of our decisions, of course. The subconscious brain makes interpretations as we are growing and these interpretations slowly become our love, life, and money believes.
I call the money belief system your Money Mentality. Your Money Mentality is your money reality, because that’s how you perceive it. What you perceive, you believe, and you receive. What you believe about money shapes your life.
I’ll walk you through each Money Mentality and how they give and receive love. There are 7-Money Mentalities: Spender, Blamer, Saver, Enthusiast, Hero, Artist, and President. Each Money Mentality has strengths and challenges when it comes to money, except the President. The President has the strengths of all the mentalities and none of the challenges.
In my work as a Financial Therapist, I’ve noticed that each Money Mentality has it’s special way of giving and receiving love through money. If you don’t know your Money Mentality yet, I’ll tell you at the end how you can learn it. For now, continue reading as I explain how each mentality utilizes money for love.
A Spender may use money to buy gifts for others but they are much more likely to spend money on themselves, as they work to be worthy of love. They will buy clothing, home decor, classes, and external products that attract attention. They enjoy the compliments they receive and they expect that the act will draw someone worthy of love to them. Someone who will see how worthy they are of love.
Often they buy these things to fill voids when they do not have a connection to love. Spenders may experience buyers remorse and regret afterward if the need is not met. (Which it usually isn’t.) However, they continue to do it as they feel good when they are in the store. They feel especially good when they take someone to the store with them and feel even better when they actually use what was purchased.
Spenders don’t always buy things that are useful to them, so they are left feeling more voids and guilt. They experience these feeling especially when they do not have someone to share their purchases with. Spenders are often living check-to-check whether the check is big or small. Spenders see purchasing as a way to receive love and sometimes to give love.
They give love most often, by spending money on external things to keep you loving them. A Spender believes that if they look good or the world around them looks good they deserve love.
Blamers are usually not big on spending on others. They typically live check-to-check and they feel most loved when they are receiving money from others. They are usually not sure how they got themselves into the financial mess they are in and they look for someone to rescue them. If you ask questions, you will make them feel interrogated and guilty. These feelings translate into rejection to a Blamer. They feel most love when you help them without any judgement, expectation, and rules.
A Blamer may feel like they are showing you love buy allowing you to help them. Where that might sound arrogant or selfish, to a Blamer they consider it a deep connection. They are now indebted to you and for that reason you are more connected than ever. The more they ask, the more you give, the deeper the connection goes. This connection is cut off when the hero begins to have expectations, judgements, or boundaries. If you want to give a Blamer what they believe is unconditional love, continue to support them as they put the focus on external factors rather than taking action to change their financial image.
The possibility for future spending is what gets the Saver all warm and fuzzy. If you force a Saver to spend money now, they will not feel loved. If you allow them to save it for later they will feel loved and secure.
Savers show you they love you by providing a secure future. The value is not on showing you love in the moment. Savers find the most value in being ready for emergencies, big purchases, future goals, and leaving a legacy. Savers give and receive as it connects to the future. The more planning involved the more love they feel. The more they love you, the more they will put away.
If you want love from a Saver pay attention to what they plan for when it comes to money. If you want to make a Saver feel loved pay attention to what they plan for when it comes to money.
There are two ways to love an Enthusiast, keep partying with them or invest in their ideas. An Enthusiast feels most loved when someone believes in their big dream. The best way to show them you believe, is to put your money where your heart is. Even if it fails, you all can fail together. An Enthusiast loves connection and collaboration. They are not going to leave anyone out and they want to be included as well.
They will do most anything to keep the connection even if it means over spending. They also expect you to overspend to keep your connection with them. An Enthusiast will not feel loved when you want to save for the future rather than spending money with them now, or if you ask for a discount.
Negotiating is an insult to an Enthusiast and they will not feel loved if you want to talk them down to a lower amount. This however can vary depending on their culture. They will spend big on you to continue the love. Enthusiasts believe that the more you love the more you spend and vice versa.
Love to the rescue. To a Hero they feel love when you call them for help. They love showing love by getting you out of a jam. And since no jam comes without a price...a Hero feels love when they are spending money to get you out of a jam. They feel love when you call and they feel love when the damage is resolved. They are often closely connected to a Blamer, but a Spender may find themselves attached to a Hero as well.
Hero’s also feel love when they are able to talk about all the people they have helped. They don’t want it to be forgotten. If you forget that a Hero helped you they will think you do not love them. They will remember every favor and the amount. Even if they don’t remember the details they will never forget if you were appreciative or not.
A Hero needs three things to really feel loved: a victim to rescue, for that victim to be thankful, and for that victim to never forget what they have done for them. At some point the Hero will also require payment in return and if you are not able to assist them they will translate that to believe that you don’t love them.
A Hero will give you their last. A Hero will pull from their savings, put it on a credit card, or sacrifice in other areas to help. So if you don’t do the same for them they will not feel your love. They will feel abandon.
You make an Artist feel loved when you don’t talk about money. “Let’s not talk about the money, money is not important,” says the Artist. To an Artist if you talk to much about the money you don’t trust or love them. They don’t calculate to the nearest cent. They calculate to the nearest emotion. If the price is too high they will adjust to make you feel better. But they will love themselves less for doing it.
They don’t mind earning or giving money, but they rather not talk about it. If you want love from an artist talk about money last or not at all. If you want to make an artist feel love never talk about money at all and don’t make them talk about it. They are most comfortable when there is little to no money talk and when money is moving around without anyone controlling it.
There is no judgement in this evaluation. These are observations that I have had over the years. They are not down to a science just yet but you may find truth in it as you explore your Money Mentality and the Money Mentality of those around you. Your Money Mentality can shift and so can the way you wish to give and receive love.
Above all, awareness is the key. Become more aware of what you are doing to give and receive love when it comes to money. Determine where it does not serve you and your relationships so that you can stay on the path to happiness to reach your idea of prosperity.
Want to know your Money Mentality? Take the FREE Money Mentality Course and quiz go to courses.kinecorder.com.